Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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