I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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