Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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