my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
