I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
