3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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