So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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