so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
