best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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