he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
