I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
