I'm so fucking centered right now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize