she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
