you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
