omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize