Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
two words...techno handjob
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
