if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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