I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
