You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
