i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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