Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
