sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
