i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
