I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
