I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
