i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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