she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize