My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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