What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
