i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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