Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
