people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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