I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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