Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My vagina just recognized that song.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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