so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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