...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
