No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
