new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want nice things and good sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
