I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
