I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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