i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
either way he was missing a nipple.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
