we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize