bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
