dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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