Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize