this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
