Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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