YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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