The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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