I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
