Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
