guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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