my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
