Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize