david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
