Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
