we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
