I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think my fart just growled at me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
