Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
