just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
