Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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