Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
