I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
