You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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