Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
