Im at strip club and am horny
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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