How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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