apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize