About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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