Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
