Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had to cum in my sink.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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